We have been feminine. But merely prior to now few years have we known as my self “femme.” The difference stands maybe not in acronym, in queer programming. Regrettably, many people not in the queer scene you shouldn’t grasp
just what femme means
or identify the distinct differences from feminine. But the differences are precisely why the term femme must exist to start with.

Putting it simple,
“femme” is a descriptor
for a queer person who gift suggestions and acts in a traditionally elegant fashion, as discussed by feminist news web site Autostraddle. This could be a cis
pillow princess
, like me, an asexual trans girl, or a gay non-binary person, but all femmes hit upon two crucial visual and identity-related attributes: getting female and slipping someplace about LGBTQ range.

Additionally there is a sense of reclamation in relation to the femme descriptor. For a lot of, it’s about managing the stereotypes and expectations so often added to females and causing them to our very own. As Evan Urquhart blogged for Slate in 2015, “Intentionality is the key to
differentiating a femme identification
from an usually female one.”

Urquhart’s point is becoming femme isn’t about behaving womanly or “girly” from inside the techniques mainstream society normally feels that female-presenting people “should” act. As an alternative, it’s about subverting the expectations that women face purely for being women. For this reason you’ll usually see femme-identifying men and women showing
exaggerated variations of femininity
over standard, cookie-cutter, or preppy ones.

For me personally, by using the term “femme” during the descriptor “feminine” is a key component in claiming my personal queerness. It really is a queerness which includes frequently, caused by my bisexuality, been erased. This knowledge is just one lived by many queer women possesses arguably already been mentioned increasingly more using the surge from the internet, such as a Twitter venture by Huffington article in 2014 that triggered the hashtag
#WhatFemmeLooksLike
.

In 2012, queer and interactions writer
Sinclair Sexmith
discussed
femme invisibility
succinctly in a blog post, without conquering concerning plant, keeping in mind:

“Femme invisibility is actually a real thing. It occurs constantly. Queer ladies who are female enjoy viewed as right — by right folks, some other queer folks, or even queer femmes themselves — as this society wants dykes to reject gender roles immediately when rejecting a heterosexual positioning. Just as if those two things get with each other inseparably.”

What exactly is crucial that you conceptualize about any of it quotation while the story that it’s fighting against is the division between gender and sexuality which, really, an important one. Although gender and sexuality is generally definitely and intrinsically linked, they are not one therefore the exact same. What we determine as and whom the audience is drawn to are a couple of split constructs, as well as how we present ourselves actually often has actually little regarding just who we are attracted to.

In Urquhart’s exact same Slate post, a buddy summarized the distinction of being into women and being female completely: “becoming femme is focused on being authentic from what I really fancy and just how I actually should appear, notwithstanding just what my sex causes visitors to count on.”

Whenever we expect women that like females presenting as butch and guys that like males to present as female, we unintentionally reinforce
sex binaries
. This is not a slight against butch females, elegant guys, or any individual around, but alternatively a critique associated with the expectation more and more people believe to meet these roles based on their unique sex.

In a
comic for Everyday Feminism
, artist Anna Bongiovanni described the privilege inside binary: “We are now living in a society that celebrates masculinity and demonizes and shames femininity and those behaviors you should not go away for the queer society.”

This advertising of
heteronormativity
is actually harmful, however. It erases identities and denies the reality which our identities tend to be intricate.

For everyone reasons, it is necessary to keep in mind that a butch lesbian actually typically playing into stereotypes of sexuality any more than a femme lesbian is playing into stereotypes of gender: Our identities are even more superimposed than that.

Then when it comes to feminine and completely right individuals contemplating whether or not they should self-describe as femme, i would suggest steering clear from a phrase meaning really within a community they may not be a part of. Finally, “femme” is mostly about braking binaries. It’s about subverting cultural objectives. It’s about being more than one thing. It’s about queerness.

Photos: Georgina Jones